Getting Personal

I was thinking, that you all know that I have gotten the lap band, but you don't know how I got to the place in my life where I needed it. So I wanted to take the time today and share a little more of my life's story with you.

I would say around age 7-8 is when it became obvious that I weighed more than other children my own age. I'm not really sure why I started gaining. I had a great childhood, I guess I just wanted to eat what I wanted and made it very hard for my parents to enforce good eating habits. I once remember sitting at the table for a very long time because I wouldn't eat steak. However to my defense I don't eat steak today either because I still don't like it, and I never did end up eating it that day either because I am just that stubborn sometimes. From about age 10-13 I lived on those cheese filled hot dogs - yuck, they make me wanna gag today lol but that is pretty much all I would eat then.

When age 14 came around I think I really began to get a grasp on how much bigger I was than all the girls my own age. Not that I was gigantic but I think they all weighed around 110 and I was between 150-160. The next few years was a bunch of starving and purging, nothing to the point of a severe problem because I was so sick not eating for long periods of time and I hated to throw up. However I felt very inadequate and not pretty because I didn't look like everyone else.

When I was 16 years old I asked my mother if I could join a gym and instead she took me to weight watchers. I stepped on the scale and it sale 181lbs. That was horrifying! I stuck with it for 3 months and dropped down to 159lbs, to this day that is the best I ever remember feeling in my entire life. I'm so sad to say as I think back I still thought I was fat at that time. What I wouldn't give to get back there.

Well, 2 years later and I was still working out a bit and eating a little better but slowly all that weight I had lost crept back on and then some. When I was 18 years old I weighed about 190lbs. I still felt pretty good, I'm not sure why (I think I was in denial that I had gained it back.) However, the weight didn't matter, because I met the man of my dream, who also happened to be my first real boyfriend. The first month or so we probably both lost 10lbs because we were so nervous to eat around each other haha, but then as we get settled in our relationship food became the center of everything we did.

Less than 2 years into our relationship, I had gained 60lbs going from 190lbs to 252lbs. I don't need to explain to you how terrible I felt because I believe we all have the same feelings when we have reached out highest weights. I hated life, I hated myself and I gave up on all my dreams. We later got engaged and I had every intent to loose some weight before the wedding but instead I just kept eating to maintain my 252lbs. About 6 months prior to the wedding I had looked into the Lap Band, but put it on hold because I knew my insurance would be changing once I got married. We got married on September 21, 2008 and on December 8, 2008 I went to my first seminar on how to start the process so that I could have the Lap Band Surgery.

I am almost 1 month post op now, and I have set a very high goal for myself to loose 125lbs. I want to be half the person I am today. I want to get this fat suit off of me and be the person I have always felt that I am inside. Check out my pictures below. Thanks for reading!